ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
