he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize