I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
