last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
