he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
