I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
