Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
