took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize