My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
