I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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