I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
