Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
