seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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