She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize