Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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