Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
