shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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