It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
