I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize