You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
