i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
