She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish I only lived at night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
