he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
