My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
