just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
