Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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