I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
