literally had 100 drinks last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
