Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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