When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
