i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize