why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
