summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
