oh god the rape fog is back!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
