just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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