I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
