doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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