I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They took my balls.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
