You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
