i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
