He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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