Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize