I feel like abortions should bother me more
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
