I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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