he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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