Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
