please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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