Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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