I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Couch. On fire.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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