My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
