I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
