in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
