I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
