Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
