good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
