i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
