So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
