i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
