I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
