Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
