just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
