after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize