put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
