we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
