and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
