I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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