Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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