I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
