come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize