I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
