hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
