So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
