If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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