I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
