You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
