i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
