theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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