he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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