Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
