you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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