i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The beers last night were like the tears from god
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
