its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
