I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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