thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
