i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
