my vag is so smooth its legendary
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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