he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
