We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
