Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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