by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
