So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
