help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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