my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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