ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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