I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
