hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
